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As the Best Man you now have a speech to prepare and as tradition stands its kind of expected to be funny. Easier said than done we have compiled a cheatsheet of funny best man speech jokes which will keep you on safe territory.
Best Man Speech Jokes
1. It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers.
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2. Just some last messages here to read out: one from [NAME’S] football team to [PARTNER] – Apologies we couldn’t all be there today, good luck with [NAME], we found him to be useless in most positions, but wishing you all the best for tonight.
3. Firstly I’d like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech. In fact this must be the third time today that I’ve stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.
4. Loyal, caring, sincere, honest, a great man… but that’s enough about me, I’m here to give a speech about [NAME]!
5. The couple have asked that I don’t talk about [NAME]’s mishaps, mistakes, embarrassing moments or ex-partners. So thanks for listening everyone, that’s it from me!
6. I’ve been instructed to keep this speech smut-free, so if I come across any innuendo, I’ll whip it out immediately.
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7. “You’ve got no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to today. After all the time I’ve been friends with [Groom’s name], he has at long last admitted that I am the best man.”
8. “Leading up to today [GROOM’S NAME] and [BRIDE’S NAME] were having an issue with the seating plan. Who would sit comfortably in here and who would have to get up and stand during the speeches so we decided to use the wedding present list, biggest presents at front and work it back from there. So hopefully you can hear me at the back when I say on behalf of [GROOM’S NAME] and [BRIDE’S NAME] thank‐you very much for the teaspoons.”
9. “Someone once said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership, but anyone who believes that clearly knows nothing about women or fractions!”
10. “Isn’t it funny how history has a habit of repeating itself? Twenty-nine years ago [BRIDE’S NAME]’s parents were sending her off to bed with a dummy. And tonight they’re doing exactly the same thing again!”
11. “Everyone who knows the bride knows she’s a wonderful person. She deserves the best husband out there. Thank god [GROOM’S NAME] married her before she found one.”
12. “All of us gathered together in this room, we’ve got something really important in common – none of us have got a clue what I’m going to say next!”
13. “I’m so happy to be overseeing the only five minutes of today that [bride or groom’s Name] didn’t plan. Only joking, they went over my speech with me at the bar half an hour ago. [Pulls extra page out of pocket] But I did manage to hide one page!”
14. My name is …. and I am the Best Man. Many of you would beg to differ, but you’d do well to keep quiet – I know your secrets.
15. When I saw (Brides name) heading up the aisle with her (fathers name), I thought “At last she’s seen sense, and got herself a man with looks and money.”
16. You’re probably wondering why I asked you all here tonight…well, I can promise it’s not for my ‘Magic Mike’ performance. You’ll have to stick around to the last song for that.”
17. Good evening, I am [your name], the best man and [relationship to groom] of [name of groom]. Tonight we’re in a room full of great men –doctors, lawyers, military veterans, and successful businesspeople –yet I am the ‘best.’ His words, not mine.”
18. Groom really is likely family to me, he is like the little sister I never wanted.
19. The fact that he ever thought the (bride) would even date him just goes to show that God favours the brave and foolish.
20. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the grooms brother/ best mate/life partner, and for those of you who do know me… I apologise.
21. “I know I’m not supposed to speak for more than 45 minutes, so I’m just going to apologize now for going over a little.”
22. “I used to give him all this dating advice when we were younger. He picked up [his bride] as soon as he started ignoring it…”
23. I’m ….(your name), the best man, and the bride and groom wanted me to let you know they are expecting…
(wait for gasps, shrieks, etc; bonus points if you shuffle index cards with your prepared speech, looking for the next page)
…you all to have a good time.
